"We could talk about the race for tayor of Moledo, which pits the incumbent, Fack Jord, against the challenger, Farty Kinkbeiner."

-- The Capitol Steps (he -- and the audience at the Valentine -- really, really liked flipping Carty's name around.)

"I hate Toledo! I think the only reason anyone lives here is that they can't find their way out and they just gave up!"

-- Anonymous, lost in Toledo

(What? It's really quite simple. If you just take 475 to 75 or catch 280 to 795, without getting on 23, since you'll end up in Ann Arbor (but is it the same 23 that puts you in Columbus? Oh, the irony...) but maybe getting on 24 or 25, you should be fine. And don't confuse your Ohio Byways [what the hell is that?] with the Anthony Wayne Trail. Also, remember that 2 is actually Airport Highway, and 51 is 51 except when it's Monroe Street.)

ANONYMOUS [still lost in Toledo]: "They should just burn the whole city to the ground and start over again."
MICHAEL: "I don't think that sounds like a winning campaign slogan for a candidate."
ANONYMOUS: "I'd vote for them."

(And this from one of the best political minds in the business.)