Later on tonight, I hope to write more about the second half of yesterday, which was a lot of fun, as opposed to the first half of yesterday, which was not fun. But, boy, did I get lucky on how things came together.

I got a phone call from a local attorney's office in Oak Harbor, wondering why they hadn't gotten any paperwork to schedule me for my character interview. At which point, I guess I need to digress.

In order to become a member of the bar, you have to pass a rigorous "character and fitness" test. (Stop snickering.) This involves a 32-page questionnaire filed no later than January, another 18ish pages filed in March, and listing just about every time you've scratched your back with your left hand since seventh grade. For this privilege, you get to pay money you didn't know you had to the Supreme Court for fees.

Well, no detail is too small for the powers that be at the Supreme Court and the National Conference of Bar Examiners, with whom the Supreme Court contracts (using my money...I'm sorry, I don't like to pay for investigations of myself) to perform the background check. This included releases for medical information and the Washington, DC police department. (I lived in DC for four years, and so they want to check out my rap sheet there. It's clean.)

Well, letters were exchanged between me, the Supreme Court, and the NCBE. Their letters would go something like this:

Dear Michael:

Thank you for providing us with the minute-by-minute account of your life. One might think this was enough intrusion into your life; however, we need further personal details from you. Please provide them post haste, or you will never have a career. We realize that you are in your third year of law school and have a life, which will make it more difficult to comply with this request. Tough noogies.

This is, of course, totally voluntary on your part, so no complaining.

Yours very truly,

The Supreme Court of Ohio

to which I would reply

Dear Wise Justices of the Supreme Court of Ohio:

I hope you will permit someone as lowly and humble as me to draft this missive providing you with the information you sought. I assure you it was a pleasure to come up with information that was years and years old and held by people who I had lost contact with. I didn't have anything better to do, so by all means, it is always a pleasure to reply to you.

Please, sir, may I have another?

Yours with the highest regard and much love,


Michael

To which they would respond:

Dear Michael:

Thank you for providing us with our latest invasive request. We'll send you another next week. In the meantime, please send us another $55 immediately.

Yours truly,


Supreme Court of Ohio

One kidney lighter, I'd send in my money.

OK, so, releases executed, forms sent, all possible sources of funds depleted, character & fitness process completed, right?

So I thought.

OK, so, the call yesterday is from this attorney's office. They didn't have any paperwork on me and were offering to call the Supreme Court of Oho to figure out why. That sounded good by me.

They called me back. My background check wasn't complete, and if I wanted to find out why, I could call Heidi at the Ohio Supreme Court, which I did.

Well, it turns out that the latest report from NCBE says my file is 81% complete. This was as of June 15, so it was a week old. They were waiting on one character reference, which I got taken care of yesterday (and wasn't a big deal), a background check from the Washington, DC police department (which they may not send, despite my separately executed release from them) and information from two other people.

Once NCBE decides to "close my file" (and this is all NCBE's decision, mind you), they will send the information to the Supreme Court of Ohio. The Supreme Court of Ohio will then send the information to the office of the lawyer who will interview me. I will be interviewed, and the lawyer will send back the information to Columbus.

And all of this must be completed by July 5 at 4:30 P.M.

Oh, and the other thing? The Supreme Court will not get a status update on my NCBE file until one is sent on July 1; but with the holiday weekend and the mail, it probably won't get to Columbus until after July 5. So, in other words, I may be up a creek without a paddle and have no way of knowing it.

OK, so, after completely panicking for a few moments, I start calling these places that have records that need to go to NCBE. Talked to one guy's assistant's voice mail, explained nature of situation with some urgency. Talked to second woman's voice mail, again, nature of situation with some urgency.

Fast forward seven hours later, when I'm done watching the Indians, I climb back in my car and have two messages from the second woman I called. She advises me that she never got a request from the National Conference of Bar Examiners, and is going out of town tomorrow and will be gone until July 7. (The keen among you will note this is two days after the drop-dead information must make it to Columbus.)

I am having a heart attack as I listen to the second message, in which she explains she did find the request, at the bottom of a pile of stuff on her secretary's desk. (I want the secretary's head right about now...) She is faxing it off as we speak.

So, that was my adventure. If this stuff doesn't make it to Columbus in a timely fashion, well...

It will. It will. It will.

(Just to be safe, say a few prayers to whomever you pray to. Even Glod.)