I'm starting to feel SLIGHTLY, slightly more comfortable about this process. MAYBE.

About that more in a bit...let me run through my weekend quickly. I want to do this because I actually did something besides studying. It was a refreshing change for me. People! Actual, human, people! People not taking the bar exam! People who are -- and this is a concept completely foreign to me -- ENJOYING their SUMMER!

I should say, I have become something of a recluse over the past sixty days. Not because I'm just THAT dilligent (what's up with all the weird font sizing tonight and random and INAPPROPRIATE LAPSES INTO ALL CAPS anyway, MRB? This is starting to look like Dennis Rodman's book.) More because, well, there's this sort of malaise that settles over you when you're trying to push a rock as large as this particular rock up a hill as steep as this particular hill, and you (or, I) find there is NO desire to interact with other human beings unless it's someone who's very close to you who has been listening to you for the duration about how hellish this experience is. So, my parents have been a little worried as I've refused to go out, trying to entice me with the promise fo beautiful women. "There might be some attractive girls there!" they say.

Yes, because heavens knows I'm quite a catch right now, what with the shaving every five days and the occasional lapses into silence while I try to remember whether a particular easement is appurtenant or in gross or whether there is vertical or horizontal privity, and what woman isn't charmed with the pickup line yeahI'mtakingthebarthissummerwhichispurehellandIwanttokillmyselfonceeverythree
hoursandI'vegottabethestupidestpersononthefaceoftheEarthheywhereyougoinbaby?

OK, so, anyway, the blessed event which actually got me out of the house was Ellen's wedding. Which, I almost missed, due to my inability to gift wrap and my mother's getting hung up at the grocery store. The wedding was at 4:30 and I cruised into the sanctuary at 4:27. As I walked down the sidewalk, I was singing to myself

Ellen's getting married in three minutes
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
I'll be embarassed
And by Michelle harassed
If I'm not in the church on time.

Anyway, Michelle (who's been a friend of mine since first grade and Ellen's for around that long) and I found each other and made sure we each had someone to sit with. (My senior year, I sat with Michelle and Ellen, who were #1 and #2 in our class, I'm not sure which was which. In any case, they were very nice and never seriously considered evicting me for dragging down the table's average class ranking.)

Well, poor Michelle. Having not had an opportunity to use any of my A- or B-material (such as my puns, improvised songs, bad jokes, et cetera) on anyone other than my parents in quite a while, there was a barrage. Somehow, she managed to make it through the evening as I dispensed caustic observations, advice, tales of woe, et cetera. I even got on the dance floor (QUIET, LAURA), enjoyed doing the chicken, and almost injured myself doing the hokey-pokey.

OK, so, why am I maybe, just maybe, feeling slightly better about this whole transaction? Well, we were told by our first BarBri lecturer that things would start to come together in July, and I think that maybe, possibly, perhaps, kind of, I'm seeing, what might be, a GLIMMER of these things happening. I'm retaining things which have heretofore refused to be retained, seeing some slight increase in my scores, and even understanding things I've not understood through three years of law school (such as, assignments and subleases.)

This is not to be confused with believing I'm comfortable with where I am, because I'm not. For instance, I need to get MUCH better on the essays. I've not had one where I've felt good about it yet. But that will come...

All right, time for me to read or do something non-bar-related for a bit. :)